I joined a writing challenge! I have a lot to catch up on, so here are the first three days!
Day 1- a dream
Day 2- your reality
Day 3- last night
Day 1- A dream. My dream. My dream is to be small. My dream is to loose all of the weight I carry and become within normal range. Normal, as in healthy. My dream is to no longer be considered grossly obese. This is not meant as a negative diss to myself. It is meant in a way that is honest and true. When I started my weight loss journey, I was 361 pounds. I am now bordering 346. I hate when people say I am beautiful the way I am. Yes, God created me in his image. I do not doubt that. But due to things out of my control ( and some within my control) I got this big. I don't think that was God's original design for me. I dream of a day when I do not stick out in a crowd because of my size. I dream of a day when a man sees me for who I am and not just the size of me.
Day 2- My reality. My reality is a place where only I know. Today's reality is that I am feeling emotionally down, but it is because of the enemy. I let something so minor get to me, but I know it is just satan trying to win his game. Well, it is working - but I am fighting. Today's other reality is I talk a lot. I never shut up. I don't know why I do it. Then again, I can't stop either. I have tried. I have cried out to God. Sometimes, I do not want the voice I have. I wish I was a woman of few words. I see the looks people give me. I see the looks at work when people wish I would stop talking. I see the looks from people who think I am strange. My reality is I don't know where I fit in life. I love my career- but there has to be more. I feel lost- and have for awhile. I feel lost at my church. I feel lost in my family. I feel lost around my friends. Reality is I am a face lost in the crowd. The big reality is though that God loves me just as I am, flaws and all.
Day 3- Last night. Board game night at North Town. My heart fills with joy hanging out with fellow board gamers. I own my nerdiness. I learned new games. Played with a group I am not accustomed to. Enjoyed every moment. Enjoyed spending time with an old acquaintance/friend and introducing him to random new people. I also took a stand when someone wanted to talk to me privately. I told him I do not go off alone. He apologized for offending me last week. Well, dude, yeah. I had a right to be. Who in their right mind makes a joke about raping babies? Don't try to blame it on being a former sailor. Nor your social awkwardness. Aside form that, last night was enjoyable. Blended chocolate chai, seeing Karen and Michael, hanging out with pretty good people, playing copious amounts of board games? A night I will take any day.
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