You are God

Lord, help me push through, even when things aren't that positive. Help me be a light, and a smile to those who need it. Lord, I want to dwell on the things of you, and not take the littlest things personally. You are my rock, and nothing else. Love you papa.

Set a Fire

Last night, I had the craziest …image that was so vivid in my head. It was of me, throwing something down and making a large bang. With the large bang, I was screaming the words “Church, wake up from your slumber!” Lately, I feel like as a Christian I have been spiritually dry- so dry that it was almost turning into a dangerous and downward spiral. How many of us are in that place? I have a feeling it is more people than we think. No one wants to admit it though.
Is it us? Is it the churches we serve in? Is it satan wanting to chop us off at the knees and keep us from God? Is it a lack of trust in God? Is it not trusting in the Holy Spirit? What is it? What can I do to change this? One thing that I have been struggling with is my church doesn’t have a youth group right now. At times, I feel like my church is spiritually dry. Yes, we are going through a transition phase, I understand that. But our kids (and older kids like me) still need something. This could be the make it or break it stage in one’s life- some of the most influential years could be happening now! Is it wrong to go to a different church or youth group? If we go, are we bringing that renewed passion back to our church? That is where my vision went. I was so complacent in living the life I was so used to, that I became oblivious to what was going around me spiritually. Last night I attended a local church’s youth group. The presence of God was SO strong. I looked around me…at the people I knew. A few of the people were even from my own church body. Seeing people's hands raised in worship was so moving. You could see and feel the passion in that place. I think it is ok to experience something new and different. Sometimes, we need a refreshing in our lives. I know where I am planted. Getting a refreshing doesn’t mean my loyalty is someplace else. What’s important is I am still seeking God, and growing in my walk. If I am not filled, how can I reach out? One thing that I think is really important is that I choose to bring back a renewed passion with me to my church- by that I mean I don’t let the temporary love of a different place keep me away from where God has planted me. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense- my thoughts are everywhere. Two things have really struck me hard in the last day: This scripture is from The Message: Romans 13 11-14 But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can’t afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don’t loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! Also, the song “Set a Fire” sang by Cody Davenport ( or United Pursuit Band) No Place I'd rather be No Place I'd rather be No place I'd rather be Here in your Love, Here in your love Set a Fire Down in my Soul That I can’t contain that I can’t control I want more of you God I want more of you God So, I know I don’t blog often- but I really felt the need to share what has been on my heart lately! Love you all!

Mixed emotions today. I feel extremely gross, and horrible because of my extreme weight. Officially, I weigh 342 lbs. I have never weighed that much in my life. I could sit here and feel sorry for myself. But in all honestly, I know that is NOT what God wants. That insecurity shall be thrown aside. I am a daughter and princess of the king. Lord, help me eat healthier and exercise to lose weight. I want to do this right. I feel the physical struggle of not moving- and the mental struggle of feeling like I never can change. Those are all lies fed from Satan, and crap. Thank you God for your protection, devotion and love. Love you daddy king!

Momma Bear

There is something so sweet about a mom holding her child in her arms, gently praying over her and blessing her before bed. In this case, my sweet mentor/sister/friend Kristi holding me. All I could do was cry. Emotions are running high tonight after a sweet talk with my dada and friend Todd . Thank you for being in my life.  Long night~ said goodbye to Colton. goodnight, and thank you Lord.

Sin

What is more offensive to God? The horse crap in the sanctuary or the sin in your heart?

I am sitting here listening to the worship station on Pandora,and drinking a cherry fizz ( Lemonade, cherry syrup and carbonated water). I am contemplating so many things. For starters, tonight is my second night working with the kids at Vineyard. I admit, I am a bit nervous. Ok, really nervous. I know I have Dave with me, but I still feel a bit unsettled. I am really excited for this opportunity though- I can learn a lot from working with Theresa. Thank you again Lord, for giving it to me! I give you the butterflies, and am thankful you promised to never leave my side. I had a conversation ( more like a disagreement) this weekend about convictions. My friend and I have completely different views. Personally, I don't have an issue with going to a bar. They serve amazing food, and often have great entertainment ( Woot Village Musicians! ). This is something I have tumbled back and forth with God about for years. My friend pretty much slammed down my view, saying it went against the verse in the bible about the appearance of sin. I brought up the verse about our body being temples and how people use that for being against tattoo's ( Yes, I have one). I used that as an example. Personally, not my conviction. But others are convicted tattoo's are wrong. Same thing with smoking. The way I see it, some things in this world are found in the grey area of life. It has taken me YEARS to come to that conclusion. As my counselor would say, I am very black and white- but praise God for the changes in my life! I seriously hate getting caught up in this stuff now. Let me be me. Let God control my life, and let him tell me what is right and wrong for my life.

People ain't nice

Some days, you just feel beside yourself. Words of anger and bitterness well up inside you. You have to breathe, take a few deep breaths and remember it is not the end of the world. I remember this after I found myself crying in the bathroom in the middle of class. Sometimes i get antsy, and take control. We were doing a flash card exercise putting together thinking maps and strategies- and I could tell I pissed off my partner. Then, we did a reading- my same friend and I did the reading. After trying to prompt her, she stopped and cracked to the class about me feeding her lines. After they all laughed, my emotions shot down hill. Maybe this said prson is getting to me more than I thought. I don't like when people lash out with such a sharp tongue. Mmmmfff. Tis ok- I know Jesus is holding me. He will hold me when I break later. Till then, I need to hold me head high, and not let jerks get the best of me.