I had dreams and plans to get my associate and bachelors degree. I made the plan to start college at 17 and be out by the time I was 22. My goal was to start teaching at 22. It was possible. I had a goal, a plan. I broke it.
I broke it.
I BROKE it.
It was not my choice though.
NOT my choice.
Life happened. My grandpa died, my parents got a bit crazier...and soon I was out of my plan. First it was a semester. Then it was permanent. I finished my associates a semester behind. Partially my choice, partially not. I was determined to go to the University of Central Florida. I had it planned out. Applied, got accepted...and flopped.
How did I flop? I was a push over. I quit everything and got a full time job. At one point I was working two jobs. I stopped MY education and stopped paying MY bills to help pay for everyone else's. The college was across the street.
It got to the point where I was sinking. Sinking into a world that was not mine and not caring if I lived or died. It was what it was.
Time passed. I finally broke free.
Broke my grandmas heart and moved. Moved 3,000 miles to Yakima WA. She understood and still loved me, but it broke her heart. Her main reaction was...How will I pay the bills?
Those words haunted me for months.
We talked a lot and I know deep down she was happy I broke free from my parents. I was beginning to live life again. Far away.
Fast forward 5 years. I finally started getting my Bachelor's at Heritage. Somewhere in the process my grandma died and my parents moved to Washington. I had to complete 3 years because of make up credits and wonderful errors.
I finally reached the end to my plan in 2013. I graduated with a 3.93 and pretty gold cords.
My dad would not stand for a picture. Like high school graduation, my parents did not give me flowers. Nor a card. I barely remember a "congrats".
I eventually understood that my validation came from above and I did this for myself. I broke the mold. I rose above what I was raised in and what I came from. My mom got kicked out of 3 adventist academies and had to go to night school for a diploma. My dad was a dropout.
Now, I am happily working on my Master's degree. As far as I know, that is a first on my dad's side.
Challenges arise and the plans made may be broken...
Yet,
you can still rise above.
You CAN shine.
Always remember that.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Writing Challenge Catch Up
Heartache.
My earliest heartache was having my parents hand me over at a young age. Grandma and Grandpa saved the day. They took care of me on and off for years.
My parents missed out on so much.
Never went to a single tennis match. Never went to a softball game (except 1 in middle school). Missed all of my choir and band concerts. Did not visit me when I was in the hospital because I was suicidal.
My father refused to stand out of his wheelchair for my graduation photo. He was fully capable. Last year, he got up and petted and hugged on a horse at the fair.
It goes on and on. At some point, you have to stop caring. That was my first heartache of many. It also explains my mommy and daddy issues.
Taste of a memory.
I was very close to my grandparents. They essentially raised me. Once upon a time, my grandpa fell. He never told my grandma and ended up with a giant hernia...where his intestines hung down to his parts. . He was mid 70's...I think he knew. Knew his body was not strong.
Before the surgery, they put a pacemaker in. A few weeks later they operated on the hernia. Going into surgery, he offered me a diet pepsi and a ding dong- that was their favorite snack. He came out the first time fine, then he had internal bleeding. Eventually, the family went home. I refused. I stayed. I was in the waiting room, when my dad fought with me on the phone to come home. I refused. I got into a shouting match in the waiting room. Along came a high school teacher of mine assuring me it would be ok. It wasn't. I stayed. My friend Jon called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I explained the circumstances and where I was. He ended up coming to hang out with me. He asked what I needed- I said a soda and a bible. At one point, I told him he could go home whenever he wanted. He said school is cancelled tomorrow because of the hurricanes ( this happened between two of 3 hurricanes). I am staying here until you leave. At 3am, the nurse woke us up and told me to get the family down here for he was not going to make it. Jon never left. He stayed, prayed with people for their sickness. Waited it out. We ended up in my grandpas hospital room, all in a circle with my grandma under the bed. We watched him flatline, and she could tell by our faces. He passed away around 9:20am. I drove home with her that day and never moved back home. She needed me....after loosing her husband of 53 years. Grieving took a long time... especially since his room and bathroom became mine. Taste of a memory....of love and loss...
Ritual.
My favorite ritual used to be when my spiritual momma and dad would hug me before bed and pray over me. Another favorite ritual was when we used to hold hands as a family and pray every night. Then everyone grew up and moved out... Then they moved to California. Some things change, but memories always stay the same.
In 5 years.
I would love to have my National Board Cert.
I would love to be in a relationship.
I would love to have had a man finally tell me I was beautiful and have flowers delivered for my birthday.
I would love to have lost 200 pounds.
I would love to have my debt paid off.
I would love to have traveled someplace fun and far!
Home.
Home changed many times growing up. Now, I consider home...to be Yakima, WA. For years I still called Orlando home. November 1st will be my 10th anniversary of moving from everything I have ever known. Home. It does not have to be a place, but where your heart is. Friends, my heart has landed in the Pacific Northwest.
An adventure you hope to have.
I would love to geocache on some big road trip. Travel. Drive. Go to as many states as possible and find as many geocaches as possible! It would also be fun to travel the world, see the 7 wonders...and geocache.
My earliest heartache was having my parents hand me over at a young age. Grandma and Grandpa saved the day. They took care of me on and off for years.
My parents missed out on so much.
Never went to a single tennis match. Never went to a softball game (except 1 in middle school). Missed all of my choir and band concerts. Did not visit me when I was in the hospital because I was suicidal.
My father refused to stand out of his wheelchair for my graduation photo. He was fully capable. Last year, he got up and petted and hugged on a horse at the fair.
It goes on and on. At some point, you have to stop caring. That was my first heartache of many. It also explains my mommy and daddy issues.
Taste of a memory.
I was very close to my grandparents. They essentially raised me. Once upon a time, my grandpa fell. He never told my grandma and ended up with a giant hernia...where his intestines hung down to his parts. . He was mid 70's...I think he knew. Knew his body was not strong.
Before the surgery, they put a pacemaker in. A few weeks later they operated on the hernia. Going into surgery, he offered me a diet pepsi and a ding dong- that was their favorite snack. He came out the first time fine, then he had internal bleeding. Eventually, the family went home. I refused. I stayed. I was in the waiting room, when my dad fought with me on the phone to come home. I refused. I got into a shouting match in the waiting room. Along came a high school teacher of mine assuring me it would be ok. It wasn't. I stayed. My friend Jon called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I explained the circumstances and where I was. He ended up coming to hang out with me. He asked what I needed- I said a soda and a bible. At one point, I told him he could go home whenever he wanted. He said school is cancelled tomorrow because of the hurricanes ( this happened between two of 3 hurricanes). I am staying here until you leave. At 3am, the nurse woke us up and told me to get the family down here for he was not going to make it. Jon never left. He stayed, prayed with people for their sickness. Waited it out. We ended up in my grandpas hospital room, all in a circle with my grandma under the bed. We watched him flatline, and she could tell by our faces. He passed away around 9:20am. I drove home with her that day and never moved back home. She needed me....after loosing her husband of 53 years. Grieving took a long time... especially since his room and bathroom became mine. Taste of a memory....of love and loss...
Ritual.
My favorite ritual used to be when my spiritual momma and dad would hug me before bed and pray over me. Another favorite ritual was when we used to hold hands as a family and pray every night. Then everyone grew up and moved out... Then they moved to California. Some things change, but memories always stay the same.
In 5 years.
I would love to have my National Board Cert.
I would love to be in a relationship.
I would love to have had a man finally tell me I was beautiful and have flowers delivered for my birthday.
I would love to have lost 200 pounds.
I would love to have my debt paid off.
I would love to have traveled someplace fun and far!
Home.
Home changed many times growing up. Now, I consider home...to be Yakima, WA. For years I still called Orlando home. November 1st will be my 10th anniversary of moving from everything I have ever known. Home. It does not have to be a place, but where your heart is. Friends, my heart has landed in the Pacific Northwest.
An adventure you hope to have.
I would love to geocache on some big road trip. Travel. Drive. Go to as many states as possible and find as many geocaches as possible! It would also be fun to travel the world, see the 7 wonders...and geocache.
Monday, August 15, 2016
Writing Challenge- Soft Focus
Soft Focus.
This has two definitons. One deals with photography and the other deals with producing a lack of definiton.
I will go with a lack of definiton, even though I absolutely love photography.
Definiton. I am a person who loves detail. If you tell me to do something, I need a smuch detail as possible. Where, what size, color, how, etc.
It comes with the obsession of not wanting to disappoint or make a mistake. That is totally unrealistic because I am not perfect.
Sometimes, I get flustered by a lack of definition.
This goes for a spiritual context too.
Church. What are the boundaries within leadership?
What constitutes being part of leadrship?
Does the worship team count as leadership? Do they have the same expectations?
What are the exact expectations for us as Christians?
Biblical things can be gray as well.
In all of these things, I feel like there is a soft focus or a lack of definiton.
For a peace of mind, I need definiton.
I am thankful for the Lord holding my hand and walking me through....at least that and his love are defined!
This has two definitons. One deals with photography and the other deals with producing a lack of definiton.
I will go with a lack of definiton, even though I absolutely love photography.
Definiton. I am a person who loves detail. If you tell me to do something, I need a smuch detail as possible. Where, what size, color, how, etc.
It comes with the obsession of not wanting to disappoint or make a mistake. That is totally unrealistic because I am not perfect.
Sometimes, I get flustered by a lack of definition.
This goes for a spiritual context too.
Church. What are the boundaries within leadership?
What constitutes being part of leadrship?
Does the worship team count as leadership? Do they have the same expectations?
What are the exact expectations for us as Christians?
Biblical things can be gray as well.
In all of these things, I feel like there is a soft focus or a lack of definiton.
For a peace of mind, I need definiton.
I am thankful for the Lord holding my hand and walking me through....at least that and his love are defined!
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Writing Challenge Day 4
Fears Within.
I am naturally a negative person. It is how I was raised.For so many years I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in a sea of my past and who I was being told to be.
I am NOT who people wanted me to be. I became something more. I rose above the challenges. Fought for my education and for emotional and spiritual health. In a sense, I broke free.
I still struggle with fear. Fear that I will fail and disappoint those around me. Fear that I will give in to the temptations of this world.
Fear that I will not marry.
Fear that my debt will never be paid off.
Fear that I won't have kids.
Fear that a man will never love me.
Fear that I will fall into old ways and damage myself.
Fear that I won't loose the weight.
Fear that I will fail at my job.
Fear that I will let go of God.
Fear that I will slip into the dark.
Fear that I'll never accept myself fully for who I am.
fear.
FEAR.
Fear.
It is there- it is real.
Hold me Jesus. Filter out the fear within.
I am naturally a negative person. It is how I was raised.For so many years I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in a sea of my past and who I was being told to be.
I am NOT who people wanted me to be. I became something more. I rose above the challenges. Fought for my education and for emotional and spiritual health. In a sense, I broke free.
I still struggle with fear. Fear that I will fail and disappoint those around me. Fear that I will give in to the temptations of this world.
Fear that I will not marry.
Fear that my debt will never be paid off.
Fear that I won't have kids.
Fear that a man will never love me.
Fear that I will fall into old ways and damage myself.
Fear that I won't loose the weight.
Fear that I will fail at my job.
Fear that I will let go of God.
Fear that I will slip into the dark.
Fear that I'll never accept myself fully for who I am.
fear.
FEAR.
Fear.
It is there- it is real.
Hold me Jesus. Filter out the fear within.
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Writing Challenge, Days 1,2, and 3
I joined a writing challenge! I have a lot to catch up on, so here are the first three days!
Day 1- a dream
Day 2- your reality
Day 3- last night
Day 1- A dream. My dream. My dream is to be small. My dream is to loose all of the weight I carry and become within normal range. Normal, as in healthy. My dream is to no longer be considered grossly obese. This is not meant as a negative diss to myself. It is meant in a way that is honest and true. When I started my weight loss journey, I was 361 pounds. I am now bordering 346. I hate when people say I am beautiful the way I am. Yes, God created me in his image. I do not doubt that. But due to things out of my control ( and some within my control) I got this big. I don't think that was God's original design for me. I dream of a day when I do not stick out in a crowd because of my size. I dream of a day when a man sees me for who I am and not just the size of me.
Day 2- My reality. My reality is a place where only I know. Today's reality is that I am feeling emotionally down, but it is because of the enemy. I let something so minor get to me, but I know it is just satan trying to win his game. Well, it is working - but I am fighting. Today's other reality is I talk a lot. I never shut up. I don't know why I do it. Then again, I can't stop either. I have tried. I have cried out to God. Sometimes, I do not want the voice I have. I wish I was a woman of few words. I see the looks people give me. I see the looks at work when people wish I would stop talking. I see the looks from people who think I am strange. My reality is I don't know where I fit in life. I love my career- but there has to be more. I feel lost- and have for awhile. I feel lost at my church. I feel lost in my family. I feel lost around my friends. Reality is I am a face lost in the crowd. The big reality is though that God loves me just as I am, flaws and all.
Day 3- Last night. Board game night at North Town. My heart fills with joy hanging out with fellow board gamers. I own my nerdiness. I learned new games. Played with a group I am not accustomed to. Enjoyed every moment. Enjoyed spending time with an old acquaintance/friend and introducing him to random new people. I also took a stand when someone wanted to talk to me privately. I told him I do not go off alone. He apologized for offending me last week. Well, dude, yeah. I had a right to be. Who in their right mind makes a joke about raping babies? Don't try to blame it on being a former sailor. Nor your social awkwardness. Aside form that, last night was enjoyable. Blended chocolate chai, seeing Karen and Michael, hanging out with pretty good people, playing copious amounts of board games? A night I will take any day.
Day 1- a dream
Day 2- your reality
Day 3- last night
Day 1- A dream. My dream. My dream is to be small. My dream is to loose all of the weight I carry and become within normal range. Normal, as in healthy. My dream is to no longer be considered grossly obese. This is not meant as a negative diss to myself. It is meant in a way that is honest and true. When I started my weight loss journey, I was 361 pounds. I am now bordering 346. I hate when people say I am beautiful the way I am. Yes, God created me in his image. I do not doubt that. But due to things out of my control ( and some within my control) I got this big. I don't think that was God's original design for me. I dream of a day when I do not stick out in a crowd because of my size. I dream of a day when a man sees me for who I am and not just the size of me.
Day 2- My reality. My reality is a place where only I know. Today's reality is that I am feeling emotionally down, but it is because of the enemy. I let something so minor get to me, but I know it is just satan trying to win his game. Well, it is working - but I am fighting. Today's other reality is I talk a lot. I never shut up. I don't know why I do it. Then again, I can't stop either. I have tried. I have cried out to God. Sometimes, I do not want the voice I have. I wish I was a woman of few words. I see the looks people give me. I see the looks at work when people wish I would stop talking. I see the looks from people who think I am strange. My reality is I don't know where I fit in life. I love my career- but there has to be more. I feel lost- and have for awhile. I feel lost at my church. I feel lost in my family. I feel lost around my friends. Reality is I am a face lost in the crowd. The big reality is though that God loves me just as I am, flaws and all.
Day 3- Last night. Board game night at North Town. My heart fills with joy hanging out with fellow board gamers. I own my nerdiness. I learned new games. Played with a group I am not accustomed to. Enjoyed every moment. Enjoyed spending time with an old acquaintance/friend and introducing him to random new people. I also took a stand when someone wanted to talk to me privately. I told him I do not go off alone. He apologized for offending me last week. Well, dude, yeah. I had a right to be. Who in their right mind makes a joke about raping babies? Don't try to blame it on being a former sailor. Nor your social awkwardness. Aside form that, last night was enjoyable. Blended chocolate chai, seeing Karen and Michael, hanging out with pretty good people, playing copious amounts of board games? A night I will take any day.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Morning Ramblings
Just some ramblings from my brain this morning.
How badly I want Jesus to come back, to end this suffering. Yet another death yesterday- this time the grandson of one of the most faith filled people I know. It was not just a death, it was a suicide. I am so SICK of the enemy getting into the heads of young people and skewing how they think just for his benefit. I come from an area where I used to be suicidal. It is this crazy thought process that consumes you and it is DIFFICULT to get out of! I am so thankful I was spared. I have watched people I care about loose loved ones this summer at an alarming rate. I know it is the cycle of life, but some of these people have been way too young. Babies born without a proper skull and brain and dying, people dying of uranium poisoning, pulmonary issues, dying on an operating table, etc.
Jesus, so many in pain! Can you please just give people rest, comfort and peace today? Help us live out this life we are still in. I am sorry for getting so caught up in the world around me. So many times I want to walk away. Not from you Lord, but from things like church. I am not perfect and I have many dark areas I am walking through. But I get so frustrated when I see people blinded by the smallest things that are glaringly wrong.
I also get frustrated by my selfish ways and other sins, but that is beside the point.
I want you. I want to serve you. I want to be passionately in love with you. But yet.... I don't. I can't. Why? When will my heart start coming after you?
I want to be in your word. I want to journal and do my devotions. I want to spend time in worship. Yet I do not. I want that living, thriving relationship with you. Yet...I do not pursue you. Please Lord! break these walls!
How badly I want Jesus to come back, to end this suffering. Yet another death yesterday- this time the grandson of one of the most faith filled people I know. It was not just a death, it was a suicide. I am so SICK of the enemy getting into the heads of young people and skewing how they think just for his benefit. I come from an area where I used to be suicidal. It is this crazy thought process that consumes you and it is DIFFICULT to get out of! I am so thankful I was spared. I have watched people I care about loose loved ones this summer at an alarming rate. I know it is the cycle of life, but some of these people have been way too young. Babies born without a proper skull and brain and dying, people dying of uranium poisoning, pulmonary issues, dying on an operating table, etc.
Jesus, so many in pain! Can you please just give people rest, comfort and peace today? Help us live out this life we are still in. I am sorry for getting so caught up in the world around me. So many times I want to walk away. Not from you Lord, but from things like church. I am not perfect and I have many dark areas I am walking through. But I get so frustrated when I see people blinded by the smallest things that are glaringly wrong.
I also get frustrated by my selfish ways and other sins, but that is beside the point.
I want you. I want to serve you. I want to be passionately in love with you. But yet.... I don't. I can't. Why? When will my heart start coming after you?
I want to be in your word. I want to journal and do my devotions. I want to spend time in worship. Yet I do not. I want that living, thriving relationship with you. Yet...I do not pursue you. Please Lord! break these walls!
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Leslie's LA Adventure!
Leslie’s LA Adventure!
My first flight- I sat next to a lady who works for YSD district office. That was fun because we definitely had stuff in common to talk about. My flight from Seattle to LA- I was in a back row. No one was in the middle seat. However, there was a girl going into 5th grade in the aisle seat. She was by herself, so it was like I became her entertainer (the flight attendants were relieved I bet!). This kid! Cracked me up. So many questions from her! She even tried to force feed me fruit snacks and beef jerky. I was thankful the two flights went well. I felt like God orchestrated where I sat and whom I was with for sure. Once I got to LA, Kristi and Whitney met me at the airport. So good to see them! They whisked me off to the Santa Monica Pier. We ate, played and enjoyed the ocean. Once we got back to the loft (an old UPS building!) we had just enough time to relax. We then walked to the main movie theater and saw Tarzan in 4DX! 4DX= 3D glasses, bursts of air and water and moving seats!
The week was a blur! We had a few days where we stayed home and worked on schoolwork (or I watched Netflix when Kristi and Whitney were at school!). Some of the many adventures:
• Birdies, a place that sells Donuts and Chicken (best sandwich ever!)~
• FIDM Scholarship store (yay plus size clothes!)
• The Briks ( funky place to eat where you can’t understand the menu)
* Trader Joes!!
• Co Co’s – best Boba tea ever!
• Dancing in downtown LA (except…I broke free and I left to go geocache!)
• Walking everywhere!
• Chik-FIL-a
• Sausage place ( Pair o Balls….ask me privately about that story)
• Little Tokyo (yay Mochi ice cream!)
• Fabric district
• Hillsong LA!
• Getty’s Museum!
• Tar Pits!
• Hollywood (walk of fame?)
• IHOP until midnight, with some surprise visitors!
• Todd coming home before I leave!
I might have forgotten some adventure! It was all so amazing though. My favorite was getting to pick Todd up the day before I left! It meant a lot to me to see “Daddy Todd”.
Thus brings us to the day I left. I feel like this situation was meant to grow me, stretch me, and move me from my comfort zone to a new place, without fear. I got to the LA airport with plenty of time. I went through security. If you don’t know, it is a JOY (not really) to go through TSA checkpoints. Heavy people and thermal scanners don’t mix. My weight is centered around my middle area. Thanks to that, my groin set it off. Yep, my groin. Nothing like a pat down just below the waist! I am waiting for my flight. I get a notification that it is delayed. Turns out another flight nabbed our plane and gate. I decide to go get a treat and grab a donut and sandwich from Dunkin Donuts. In the process, I struck up a conversation with this random lady who works at the airport. We kept it going for a good chunk of time! There was plenty of good humor and laughs. At the end, she randomly asks me if she can give me a hug. Talk about fun God moment! Roughly 30 minutes before boarding time, I look around and realize…no one is here. Gate change! I race to get to the right gate- clear to the other side of the airport. I check in and have a seat. One of the workers approaches me and asks for my boarding pass. She told me she was switching my seat so I have more room. At first, I was taken back- oh, weight sensitivities. I ended up with a row to myself and being one of the first on the plane! They announced the second delay. The flight coming in was late. OK, no big deal. I strike up a conversation with a 21-year-old woman named Aida. She had the cutest poodle with her. Turns out she is heading to….Spokane! We had the same connecting flight in San Fran to Seattle. Fast forward. They delay the flight more…because of an issue with the thing that connects outside that we walk on. By the time we get on the plane, it is maybe 6:30…. we ended up having to sit on the PLANE for even longer. Things were not fully cleared yet. The flight attendants were already at 12 hours because they started in Boston. The one plugged her phone in next to me and struck up conversation. Keep in mind- I have my own row in the very back! God’s mini blessings in disguise I call it. By the time the plane leaves, I have already missed my connecting flight in San Fran. Which means I have missed my flight in Seattle. Exhale. I don’t like change. But ALAS! God put Aida on the flight with me! She also missed her flights. Once the plane landed, together we embarked on the journey to get our flights rebooked, food waivers and hotel. We started the process by 9:45ish? It took the poor guy over an hour to rebook and find us a hotel. The city was pretty full. We waited for a shuttle, got to the hotel and in our rooms by 12:30. Aida and I hopped on the 4:10 am shuttle and said our goodbyes. She really was a God send! I could have NOT done it without her! Alaska was not open yet, so I had to print my boarding pass. Only one came out. I had to go through the thermal scan again…and yup! My groin set it off…again. My second pat down below the waist. So unbelievably awkward. I am walking around, confused on how to get to my gate. I finally find it. The lady struggled printing my next boarding pass, and admitted American Airlines wasn’t the best (that is who I started my journey with). I go waste time before my flight by getting breakfast. I strike up a conversation with the guy behind me and told him about my adventures. Keep in mind I am still in San Fran. Turns out he has a place in Goldendale! I got on my flight and was so excited when we landed in Seattle. I went to get off the plane….and the guy from Goldendale says enjoy getting back to Yakima! Turns out he was the captain of the plane. Maybe I should pay better attention to uniforms next time, LOL. I did not have any problems with my flight to Yakima, other than a guy who yelled at people in Seattle and again when we got into Yakima. When I got to Yakima, I booked it out. I should have slowed down, because I missed Bryan Ford by a hair! I got to say hi to his wifey though. I was so excited to see Ed and get my luggage. Neither was there. Oh well! By the time the counter was open, Ed got there. We ended up having a great talk with Cass’ mom as she filled out my missing luggage report. It was another God moment! We got updated on some pretty serious family stuff and now know how to pray. It would not have happened if it were not for my luggage not making the plane! Luckily, my stuff got rushed from the SF airport and made the next flight to Yakima. Aida got her stuff in Spokane on time…lucky duck! In the end, my trip was great. God worked in so many little random ways it made me realize how blessed I really am.
My first flight- I sat next to a lady who works for YSD district office. That was fun because we definitely had stuff in common to talk about. My flight from Seattle to LA- I was in a back row. No one was in the middle seat. However, there was a girl going into 5th grade in the aisle seat. She was by herself, so it was like I became her entertainer (the flight attendants were relieved I bet!). This kid! Cracked me up. So many questions from her! She even tried to force feed me fruit snacks and beef jerky. I was thankful the two flights went well. I felt like God orchestrated where I sat and whom I was with for sure. Once I got to LA, Kristi and Whitney met me at the airport. So good to see them! They whisked me off to the Santa Monica Pier. We ate, played and enjoyed the ocean. Once we got back to the loft (an old UPS building!) we had just enough time to relax. We then walked to the main movie theater and saw Tarzan in 4DX! 4DX= 3D glasses, bursts of air and water and moving seats!
The week was a blur! We had a few days where we stayed home and worked on schoolwork (or I watched Netflix when Kristi and Whitney were at school!). Some of the many adventures:
• Birdies, a place that sells Donuts and Chicken (best sandwich ever!)~
• FIDM Scholarship store (yay plus size clothes!)
• The Briks ( funky place to eat where you can’t understand the menu)
* Trader Joes!!
• Co Co’s – best Boba tea ever!
• Dancing in downtown LA (except…I broke free and I left to go geocache!)
• Walking everywhere!
• Chik-FIL-a
• Sausage place ( Pair o Balls….ask me privately about that story)
• Little Tokyo (yay Mochi ice cream!)
• Fabric district
• Hillsong LA!
• Getty’s Museum!
• Tar Pits!
• Hollywood (walk of fame?)
• IHOP until midnight, with some surprise visitors!
• Todd coming home before I leave!
I might have forgotten some adventure! It was all so amazing though. My favorite was getting to pick Todd up the day before I left! It meant a lot to me to see “Daddy Todd”.
Thus brings us to the day I left. I feel like this situation was meant to grow me, stretch me, and move me from my comfort zone to a new place, without fear. I got to the LA airport with plenty of time. I went through security. If you don’t know, it is a JOY (not really) to go through TSA checkpoints. Heavy people and thermal scanners don’t mix. My weight is centered around my middle area. Thanks to that, my groin set it off. Yep, my groin. Nothing like a pat down just below the waist! I am waiting for my flight. I get a notification that it is delayed. Turns out another flight nabbed our plane and gate. I decide to go get a treat and grab a donut and sandwich from Dunkin Donuts. In the process, I struck up a conversation with this random lady who works at the airport. We kept it going for a good chunk of time! There was plenty of good humor and laughs. At the end, she randomly asks me if she can give me a hug. Talk about fun God moment! Roughly 30 minutes before boarding time, I look around and realize…no one is here. Gate change! I race to get to the right gate- clear to the other side of the airport. I check in and have a seat. One of the workers approaches me and asks for my boarding pass. She told me she was switching my seat so I have more room. At first, I was taken back- oh, weight sensitivities. I ended up with a row to myself and being one of the first on the plane! They announced the second delay. The flight coming in was late. OK, no big deal. I strike up a conversation with a 21-year-old woman named Aida. She had the cutest poodle with her. Turns out she is heading to….Spokane! We had the same connecting flight in San Fran to Seattle. Fast forward. They delay the flight more…because of an issue with the thing that connects outside that we walk on. By the time we get on the plane, it is maybe 6:30…. we ended up having to sit on the PLANE for even longer. Things were not fully cleared yet. The flight attendants were already at 12 hours because they started in Boston. The one plugged her phone in next to me and struck up conversation. Keep in mind- I have my own row in the very back! God’s mini blessings in disguise I call it. By the time the plane leaves, I have already missed my connecting flight in San Fran. Which means I have missed my flight in Seattle. Exhale. I don’t like change. But ALAS! God put Aida on the flight with me! She also missed her flights. Once the plane landed, together we embarked on the journey to get our flights rebooked, food waivers and hotel. We started the process by 9:45ish? It took the poor guy over an hour to rebook and find us a hotel. The city was pretty full. We waited for a shuttle, got to the hotel and in our rooms by 12:30. Aida and I hopped on the 4:10 am shuttle and said our goodbyes. She really was a God send! I could have NOT done it without her! Alaska was not open yet, so I had to print my boarding pass. Only one came out. I had to go through the thermal scan again…and yup! My groin set it off…again. My second pat down below the waist. So unbelievably awkward. I am walking around, confused on how to get to my gate. I finally find it. The lady struggled printing my next boarding pass, and admitted American Airlines wasn’t the best (that is who I started my journey with). I go waste time before my flight by getting breakfast. I strike up a conversation with the guy behind me and told him about my adventures. Keep in mind I am still in San Fran. Turns out he has a place in Goldendale! I got on my flight and was so excited when we landed in Seattle. I went to get off the plane….and the guy from Goldendale says enjoy getting back to Yakima! Turns out he was the captain of the plane. Maybe I should pay better attention to uniforms next time, LOL. I did not have any problems with my flight to Yakima, other than a guy who yelled at people in Seattle and again when we got into Yakima. When I got to Yakima, I booked it out. I should have slowed down, because I missed Bryan Ford by a hair! I got to say hi to his wifey though. I was so excited to see Ed and get my luggage. Neither was there. Oh well! By the time the counter was open, Ed got there. We ended up having a great talk with Cass’ mom as she filled out my missing luggage report. It was another God moment! We got updated on some pretty serious family stuff and now know how to pray. It would not have happened if it were not for my luggage not making the plane! Luckily, my stuff got rushed from the SF airport and made the next flight to Yakima. Aida got her stuff in Spokane on time…lucky duck! In the end, my trip was great. God worked in so many little random ways it made me realize how blessed I really am.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
October 18th
It was time I picked up my pencil and wrote again. If you don't know my story, my birthday brings a lot of memories- good and bad. This year, it has been extremely tough - I have been plagued with old memories and past chains that USED to surround me and keep me shackled.
This is what I wrote in response and my cry out to God.
October 18th, 2004
I can still remember that dark night, some years ago.
I was ready to give up the ultimate fight- the fight for my own life.
I sped down that road without a second thought in my mind.
Oncoming traffic- headed my way.
Your voice was so strong in my head- NO! GO THE OTHER WAY!
I straightened out my steering wheel and kept on my way.
Up ahead, there was a break in the rail. On the otherside; a steep, dark hill.
Faster and faster I sped- headed that way.
Again, I could hear your voice- NO! GO THE OTHER WAY!
I kept going late into the night, finally finding my way home.
In one last attempt, I reached into my trunk to grab what should have been there.
My hands came out empty. In that moment, I realized you wouldn't let me die.
I look back at that night; thankful you didn't let me go.
My story has not yet ended because you have a greater plan instore for me.
This is what I wrote in response and my cry out to God.
October 18th, 2004
I can still remember that dark night, some years ago.
I was ready to give up the ultimate fight- the fight for my own life.
I sped down that road without a second thought in my mind.
Oncoming traffic- headed my way.
Your voice was so strong in my head- NO! GO THE OTHER WAY!
I straightened out my steering wheel and kept on my way.
Up ahead, there was a break in the rail. On the otherside; a steep, dark hill.
Faster and faster I sped- headed that way.
Again, I could hear your voice- NO! GO THE OTHER WAY!
I kept going late into the night, finally finding my way home.
In one last attempt, I reached into my trunk to grab what should have been there.
My hands came out empty. In that moment, I realized you wouldn't let me die.
I look back at that night; thankful you didn't let me go.
My story has not yet ended because you have a greater plan instore for me.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Words
Jesus, hold my heart and hand. I feel like the world has such a crushing force. I know my sight is on you, but stubbornness sometimes gets in the way. I so easily lose sight and get caught in this world. I want to be focused on you daily and not caught in the web of the world around me. Lord please show me how to love you every day. Go before me and prepare the way. You are my salvation. Wipe my slate clean daily Lord. Help me be a vessel for you Lord.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Sometimes, you just have to type a prayer...
Today is a brand new day. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex Lord. I give this brand new day to you. I pray I would remember your teaching from last night. My mind is still blown away from that prayer time. I have been holding on for way too long Lord. These burdens- big and small are NOT mine to carry. The burden I FELT I owed S- it is released into your hands. The burden I used to feel towards those in my life- released to you. I am a blessing, not a burden. I pray that I would continue to live in this today. Help me acknowledge truth for truth, and lies for lies.
Today is going to be different. I have my first sub job. I pray for wisdom, and the knowledge of what to do. Any fear hiding in my heart- I give to you right now Lord. I can and will walk into that High school with confidence Lord.
Ed- I pray you would heal his ankle Lord, and give the doctor's wisdom on what to do. please give him peace and comfort.
Parents- I pray for their salvation. Please Lord- use someone as a vessel to witness to them. They need you, just like I do Lord. Help me choose to forgive my parents, and love them today Lord.
Jan&John- be with them tomorrow and they unite in marriage Lord. I pray for the blending of these two families. Be ever present Lord, and rain down your LOVE and PEACE.
Kristi- heal that finger Lord! I praise you for it not being worse. thank you for the Odman family, and the blessing they have been to me. Thank you for showing me your truth and love through their actions Lord. I want that for my family someday.
Thank you for your word, and the ability to listen to it via a bible app. We are so blessed as a nation....I pray we would not take that for granted.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Matthew Words and Works
Forgiveness
Luke 6: 36
Forgiveness that brings freedom
Matthew 16:21
Jesus intentionally went to Jerusalem
Matthew 20:17-19
Jesus forgives
1 Corinthians 10:13
Unforgiveness Will separate churches, families, nations
Colossians 2:13
Matthew 9:6
Psalm 103:8-12
I'm under new management. You should talk to my new manager. Talk to the boss.
Matthew 18: 21-35
Colossians 3:31
Ephesians 4:32
Luke 11
Matthew 6: 14-15
Mark 11:25
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Matthew: Words and Works
The parables of the kingdom
Matthew 13: 1-53
Who was this Jesus guy anyway?
What's your view of Christ?
Where are you looking for Jesus?
It's not our responsibility to pull out the weeds.
Jesus is not going to put us in a Christian bubble.
If people are doing xyz, let Jesus deal with it.
The mixed society we live in will be separated by God
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Anger
I am constantly amazed and how fast I can get angry. I am such a people person, and people are are jerks just raise my agitation level beyond recognition. It makes it worse when they are Christians. However, I need to give this mentality over to God. So what if people make me angry. People will be people- even Christians. Lord, help me see these people with your eyes and love them like you do. Take the darkness surrounding my heart and make it light again. I want more of you Lord and less of myself. I praise you for the ability to feel, and just ask that you would bring it to my mind that I need to pray when these feelings arise. Thank you Papa.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Matthew 10
Matthew 10
The words of Jesus
Jesus instructs his disciples
Matthew 10:5-8
Where to go, what to preach, what to do
We are called to do this TODAY!
HERE AND NOW!
do you BELIEVE?
Take your cross up daily.
It means living a sacrificial life for Jesus.
Sometimes, it means saying no to ourselves.
Don't be afraid of the gospel.
Pray..God help me overcome my unbelief.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Night of worship
Break these chains.
Breathe was written out of a time of desperation. Morning. Dance studio owner, suicide.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Culture
What's your church culture?
What's your legacy?
Is your church generational?
Are we trying to build people to change the world?
1 chronicles 13 ( read through 36)
Psalm 78:1-4
Ephesians 10:2-
Luke 15
Who is connected to your life?
What legacy are you leaving?
Are you passing the baton ?
Today's youth will be the future teachers and worship leaders.
That is not just a 10 year old girl.
Be destined for greatness.
They are destined for greatness.
You can and WILL make a difference.
Be a church full of grace.
Stop living that mediocre life. WAKE UP CHURCH!
Be people that serve me. Be people that love me.
Salvation is not a reward.
Welcome home. Don't push her away. Be full of grace...but set that boundary.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
You are God
Lord, help me push through, even when things aren't that positive. Help me be a light, and a smile to those who need it. Lord, I want to dwell on the things of you, and not take the littlest things personally. You are my rock, and nothing else. Love you papa.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Set a Fire
Last night, I had the craziest …image that was so vivid in my head. It was of me, throwing something down and making a large bang. With the large bang, I was screaming the words “Church, wake up from your slumber!” Lately, I feel like as a Christian I have been spiritually dry- so dry that it was almost turning into a dangerous and downward spiral. How many of us are in that place? I have a feeling it is more people than we think. No one wants to admit it though. Is it us? Is it the churches we serve in? Is it satan wanting to chop us off at the knees and keep us from God? Is it a lack of trust in God? Is it not trusting in the Holy Spirit? What is it? What can I do to change this? One thing that I have been struggling with is my church doesn’t have a youth group right now. At times, I feel like my church is spiritually dry. Yes, we are going through a transition phase, I understand that. But our kids (and older kids like me) still need something. This could be the make it or break it stage in one’s life- some of the most influential years could be happening now! Is it wrong to go to a different church or youth group? If we go, are we bringing that renewed passion back to our church? That is where my vision went. I was so complacent in living the life I was so used to, that I became oblivious to what was going around me spiritually. Last night I attended a local church’s youth group. The presence of God was SO strong. I looked around me…at the people I knew. A few of the people were even from my own church body. Seeing people's hands raised in worship was so moving. You could see and feel the passion in that place. I think it is ok to experience something new and different. Sometimes, we need a refreshing in our lives. I know where I am planted. Getting a refreshing doesn’t mean my loyalty is someplace else. What’s important is I am still seeking God, and growing in my walk. If I am not filled, how can I reach out? One thing that I think is really important is that I choose to bring back a renewed passion with me to my church- by that I mean I don’t let the temporary love of a different place keep me away from where God has planted me. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense- my thoughts are everywhere. Two things have really struck me hard in the last day: This scripture is from The Message: Romans 13 11-14 But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can’t afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don’t loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! Also, the song “Set a Fire” sang by Cody Davenport ( or United Pursuit Band) No Place I'd rather be No Place I'd rather be No place I'd rather be Here in your Love, Here in your love Set a Fire Down in my Soul That I can’t contain that I can’t control I want more of you God I want more of you God So, I know I don’t blog often- but I really felt the need to share what has been on my heart lately! Love you all!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Mixed emotions today. I feel extremely gross, and horrible because of my extreme weight. Officially, I weigh 342 lbs. I have never weighed that much in my life. I could sit here and feel sorry for myself. But in all honestly, I know that is NOT what God wants. That insecurity shall be thrown aside. I am a daughter and princess of the king.
Lord, help me eat healthier and exercise to lose weight. I want to do this right. I feel the physical struggle of not moving- and the mental struggle of feeling like I never can change. Those are all lies fed from Satan, and crap.
Thank you God for your protection, devotion and love. Love you daddy king!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Momma Bear
There is something so sweet about a mom holding her child in her arms, gently praying over her and blessing her before bed. In this case, my sweet mentor/sister/friend Kristi holding me. All I could do was cry. Emotions are running high tonight after a sweet talk with my dada and friend Todd . Thank you for being in my life. Long night~ said goodbye to Colton. goodnight, and thank you Lord.
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